the beginning

Hello there,

It's been a while. A lot has happened since we arrived here in Morrisville almost three months ago now.

We spent the first two weeks in a hotel, since our new apartment was not ready for us until August 18th. We spent a lot of time during those two weeks at all kinds of offices. The people at the DMV, the school enrollment office, my sisters new high school, insurance agencies etc. probably all knew us by name in the end. After reading, learning and getting information from all kinds of sources, appoinments with American lawyers, visiting our new home and meeting the company, for two years, we seriously thought we were at least somewhat prepaired for what lay ahead of us.
Well, far from it. Everybody who has moved from one city or state to another probably understands, Americans within America as well as foreigners coming to the States (it's the same in every country, really).

During these past three months we had several moments in which we were close to pack up our stuff again and buy plane tickets back home, when getting liscence plates for our new car seemed nearly impossible, my sister got enrolled in school on the Friday before school started, hours spent on the phone with the TV and electricity companies, my mother and sister having to move to the apartment alone, boxes not arriving and just plane homesickness for our family, friends, familarity, the German language and food.

But we made it this far. We overcame all the obstacles so apparently it is God's plan for us to go on this adventure. Even though it did not always seem like it, He always stayed faithful and provided in the end. So I am continuing to stay faithful myself and let God do all the work. What I came to realize is, that worrying about everything does not help to get it figured out. Either it is ment to be or not and the only conclusion would be to live and enjoy life as intensely as we can.

So wherever you are at in life, stay faithful and He will work it out for you, leading you to where you need to be.

And to be honest, we also had a whole lot of fun here so far! My sister and I met some incredible people and we already have an invitation to a Thanksgiving dinner of one of my dad's co-workers. Yes, the humidity in the Summer needs some getting used to, but all in all we really like our new home. Living in an apartment is quite interesting, let me tell you. We love the people here and always being greeted by a nice "Hi, how are you?", even though this does not necessarily require an elaborate answer about how you are feeling. But we were mostly welcomed incredibly nicely every time people found out we are Germans, who just moved here. The best two questions we have been asked so far upon finding out we are Germans are: "Do you speak German then?" and "Why of all places did you move here?!"
We are starting to get settled, even though it is somewhat hard to adjust to this new life, for the ones harder than for the others. But we are managing and excited to find out where this adventure is leading us. :)


Love,
Eileen

Let the new adventure begin.

Hello there,
We finally made it!

After months and months of organizing and packing and closing up our household we finally made our way to the Frankfurt airport on Friday, August 3rd.

After a tearful good-bye from my grandparents, who we are very very close to, my parents, my sister and I made our way through the security inspection and to the gate. With some tears left in the corners of our eyes but a lot of excitement building up in our tummies we quickly got each of us a sandwich at a shop (we were pretty much starving and the minimum lunches on the plane would definitely not have gotten us through the whole nine-hour flight) we were soon after that able to board the plane to our new adventure. Tell me about exciting!
The stop at Washington Dulles Airport in Washington DC was more than stressful. Of course we were not the only huge plane arriving from overseas so immigration section was packed when we arrived after a lift by an airport-bus-trucky-thing (how the driver managed to park that thing immidietly without any correction is a mystery to me...). Luckily we had all our papers filled out correctly (we've been learning ;)) and the passports right in hand and got a nice officer. Four photos, fingerprints and stamps later we were legally in the United States of America, our new home for at least the next five years. Finally.
With only half an hour until boarding left on our watches, we were again lucky to find our four gigantic suitcases right away, got easily through the second immigration gate and gave up our luggage once more.
With only twenty minutes left we quickly headed through the corridors and halls and more corridors the apparently thirty mile oddyssey to our next gate. As soon as we arrived there, a nice lady announced through the speakers that the gate for our flight had changed. Of course we had to walk half the way back to get to the new gate, only to find out that our plane would not board for at least thirty to fourty-five minutes. Well... At least we did not miss our flight, right? If optimism was an Olympic discipline we would definitely win the first four ranks for Germany. Or rather America now ;).
The flight from Washington to Raleigh/Durham was only a fourty-minute one with approximitely twenty of them in the air and twenty on the ground.
We arrived there at 6:30 pm. When we stepped out of the airport and on real American concrete, it hit us. 105°F ~ 40°C and at least 80% humidity. Oh, and we actually arrived in our new home!
After miraculously fitting all our suitcases and backpacks and pillows (and yes! ourselves, too!) into the rental car we were finally on our way to a shower and beds.

Let me tell you, this trip was an adventure all by itself. But the real one was only about to begin.

Love,
Eileen

life as of now

Hello there,
Yesterday I found out that friend from the Tri Cities had a horrible accident while boating and broke his neck and nose. I was shocked and immedietly started praying for him. I have never prayed so much in my life. He was flown to a hospital for emergency surgery and is now getting better.

It was amazing how many wall posts he got during the last couple days, all wishing him the best and praying for him and his family. It almost broke my heart reading them. But it is incredible how many people joined in prayer and actually accomplished something, since he is now cracking jokes again as he always does.

But his accident also showed me again how precious life is and how easily and quickly it can end. We cannot control or plan everything; things happen, accidents happen, and lives are lost. But we can live our lives to the fullest and experience as many miracles this life has to offer as we possibly can.

These past few months have been more than busy - they have been stressful. Especially these last few weeks are insane as we are getting ready to start a new life in North Carolina. I was so busy and cought up in this stress that I did not manage to really enjoy my life and the moving experience. The days just fly by unnoticed. I hope this ends once we actually sit in the plane on Friday. I will have one year to enjoy my life, volunteer, find a church and grow in Christ until I start college. These are the things I will focus on this next year. It is a new chapter that I will start and I am as excited as I am afraid. But I know it will work out and I will come out as a new and different person.

I cannot wait to start my new life and visit old friends. I need a change again and I have been waiting for this opportunity for months now. I want to start living it now, with all the highs and lows it will bring.

So be careful, take care of yourself but do not forget to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest along the way. We have only one life to live and my friend's accident was a reminder for me.

Love,
Eileen

you're not alone at all

This one's for the lonely, the one's that seek and find
Only to be let down time after time
This one's for the torn down, the experts at the fall
Come on friends get up now you're not alone at all

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

And this part was for her
And this part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?

It comes and goes in waves

This one's for the faithless, the ones that are surprised
They're only where they are now regardless of their fight
This one's for believing if only for it's sake
Come on friends get up now love is to be made

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

And this part was for her
And this part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?

It comes and goes in waves, I
Am only led to wonder why
It comes in goes in waves, I
Am only led to wonder why
Why I, why I try

This is for the ones who stand
For the ones who try again
For the ones who need a hand
For the ones who think they can

It comes and goes in waves, I
Am only led to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves, I
Am only led to wonder why
Why I, why, why I fly

Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
~ Comes and Goes by Greg Laswell. Definitely my song of the week.

Love,
Eileen

moves and messes

Hello there, Have you ever moved before? Have you ever realized how much silly-never-used-stuff you have laying around or underneath things? Well, when you move you inevtably find out how many boxes and drewers you have filled with all these little nonsense-things.

I have already cleaned out the biggest things in my room, such as books and DVDs. Today I finally packed all my school things, seven huge and heavy folders containing three years worth of classes, books I had to read, etc. I already feel sorry for my dad, since he will have to lift and carry these boxes to my great-grandma's basement...

I  have two shoe boxes filled with memories from my exchange year and the past few years here. I never realized how full and heavy they actually were until I sorted through and repacked them, since they are coming with me. I also sorted out pictures that I want to take with me and clothes that I do not need until August anymore.

So you should think that my room is getting emptier and cleaner. Well... Wrong. This is how my room looks now, AFTER cleaning it out...

I feel like this huge amount of things is growing bigger instead of smaller... It is insane how much work there is to do before and after a move. I have been through that a few times in my life so far and I never seem to learn. I still accumulate so many things, that I have to sort out eventually. There is so much to do left and so little time. In less than two months we are going to board a plane to a new adventure... And a new house. I hope we will get everything done in time... Prayers would be appreciated! :D

So learn from my mistakes and sort through your stuff once a year. You will be surprised how much stuff you have that you did not even know you had, things you never use or need. It will pay off eventually and it is sometimes even refreshing to get rid of some things, making room for something new. But I guess that is easier said than done. I, too, am one of those people who keep everything that could possibly be connected with just the littlest memory. ;)

Love,
Eileen

(french) food rules.

Hello there,
I found this picture on Elizabeth's blog today.

This goes really well with what has been on my mind lately. I tried to lose some weight. Not much, only getting to my dream weight. I actually got rather close to it but then started eating more than normally without working out. Well, guess what? Gained it all back.

A few weeks ago I watched a documentary on diets and eating behaviors. One doctor introduced a theorie that our weight is already pre-set in our genetics. I tend to like this. I have never been the skinny type. Not fat but not really skinny either. That has never changed. I like to believe that I have a rather normal diet. I sometimes like to eat candy. But I also love salads. Considering that I am a vegetarian, I probably eat a lot more healthy vegetables than most other people.

I am sick of forcing myself to not eat the chocolates or chips on the table just because they have too many calories. I am sick of making myself feel uncomfortable because I do not look like the girls in movies or on advertisements. I am sick of not loving myself for who I am because of how I look the number on the scale.

So I decided I do not want any rules about eating anymore. A friend once wrote that she eats her food bland so that food stops being a reward or joy. I do not agree with this. I think food is joy. It makes you happy, keeps you healthy (of course everything in certain amounts) and brings you and others together. I like to enjoy my food. It actually has become a passion. I therefore abandoned all the rules I have developed in my mind about food and eating. I will only keep these two:

1. Eat what you like, do not eat what you do not like and when you like or not like.

2. Only eat when you are actually hungry until you are actually satisfied and not overly full. Occasional snacks are allowed but in the right amounts.

I realize these rules can be streched. But that is the point. I want to enjoy eating food when I want to and not when or what my diet plan tells me.

So all of you out there struggling with food, weight and looks, starting enjoying your life. Food is part of it and it is also supposed to be a happy thing to do. So also start enjoying food.

Love, Eileen

PS: I ran over this sermon the other day and really liked it. I thought I'd share it. :)

excitement.

Hello there, It's been a while again. A lot has happened. Today I received my final results! A- in both my majors and a B+ in my Bio minor! These grades are really good for German standards and I am so happy. I never thought I would do this good! God really did mean it well with me.

While walking to school I realized that I was not very enthusiastic about seeing everyone again. It was nice seeing my friends. But actually nothing more. That surprised me. I consider myself a people-person. I love being around others, I am usually very open-minded and can converse easily. I feel comfortable in a crowd. But today was different. I also started to dread the upcoming graduation prom. Now that I have the dress, the shoes, the hair and make-up appointments, I actually do not really want to go. I don't even know why.

I think it might be because I am already done with the whole high school thing. My best friend once said that she does not think, she'll stay in touch with anyone for a very long time. Even our friendship will fade. This made me sad. I did not want to believe that what she said might also happen to me. I thought these high school friendships will last forever. But considering the time I have spent with people from high school, which is pretty much only one BBQ with 10 people since the end of classes, I suppose she actually was right. Adding the feelings I felt walking to school today.

But I know there is so much ahead of me. People come and go with every chapter of life you are going through. Some stay longer with you, some only appear on one page. I suppose that is life. I am so glad for all the people I have met in my life so far. I have met a great deal more people than most of my friends. I still consider the people I have met during my exchange years friends, even though I have had little contact with most. I hope this will be the case with many people from here, too. After all, I spent almost my whole life here. It will be interesting to meet them again in ten years at our reuninion. Very interesting, I think. Seeing where they are at in life, what they are doing, if they have a family. I already know for sure that there will be a lot of suprises. Especially with that crowd.

I am very excited to be done with high school. I think I am ready to start something new. Not college yet, but I know that there are so many incredible things ahead of me. The most exciting part is that I will find these things in the United States of America. Looking back now, that is where I felt more myself, more happy, more home than in the little town I have lived my whole life. This realization is rather weird and actually a little frightening. But I am eager to find out what is lying in front of me. I am excited to start a new adventure with my family, meet new people, esperience ups and downs, highs and lows. I am taking on life now.

Life, here I come.

Love,
Eileen

questions

 A couple weeks ago Gary posted something very wise on facebook. Sounds like an oxymoron haha :D but Gary simply is a very wise person in my opinion. Anyway, what he wrote made me think. It was about that everyone had a purpose in life and when we feel like nothing works out, we should remember that we are here for a reason. I am one of these graduates who does not know what to do after high school. I know I want to take a year off to volunteer, look and colleges and apply. I want time for myself to figure out what I want my life to be about. I want to try new things, experience new things and at the same time experience old things and remember old plans and dreams and maybe accomplish and fulfill them. Right now I really do not know where I am at in life. I do not have a hobby, I am not very athletic, creative and I cannot play an instrument. Lets not even talk about singing.

So what am I good at? The first thing that comes to my mind is baking. I love baking. I also start to like cooking more and more. Julie Powell said in the movie Julie and Julia

"You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I mean nothing, I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick."

That is how I feel about it, too. It is comforting when I am sad, exciting, when I am happy and a very good thing to do when you are mad. Trust me.

What else am I good at? The second thing that comes to my mind is photography. I am not that great at it but I like my pictures and I think that is the most important part about it. I like taking pictures, capturing something beautiful that looks even more beautiful through the lense. I hope I can treat myself to a good camera and go on photo adventures.

The sad thing is that I cannot think of anything else I am good at. Without hobbies life is boring. But then I think, but you are not good at music and not good at sports and not good at _____. (fill in the blank)

Now stop here for a second. This sounds completely wrong. There is a little word missing in this passage. It took me until today to realize what this word is. Yep, it is that tiny little word yet. So tiny that I kept overlooking it. Who the heck said I could not learn to play an instrument? Who said I was not athletic enough? Oh! Yeah.. That would be me!

Today I was listening, am listening, to Ben Howard. I love his songs and everytime I listen to him I wish I could play the guitar as he can. And why should I not be able to try and learn how to play the guitar? My best friend started playing a couple years ago. She was as good at music as I am. But she liked the sound of a guitar, got herself one and asked her dad to teach her. She does not have the patience to really learn it but she is happy with it and is getting better and better. She plays great in my opinion.

This life is not supposed to be about what you cannot do and what you are not good at. In this life we are supposed to try new things, sometimes fail, but always having fun doing it. So here is my graduation resolution: To try new things. Try to play the guitar, go running and try to become fit. I want to plant veggies in our new yard in the States and I want to cook. I want to get better at photography and learn how to use photoshop. All this studying for school blocks our view on all the other things we can learn that are so much more fun than school.

So find something that you are interested in, try it, learn it and from it, have fun doing it. This life is not ment to be boring. It is ment to be exciting and I want to lead an exciting, rich, happy and beautiful life.

That was a long epiphany. Haha :D Enough with the procrastination. Back to the studying.

Love,
Eileen

procrastination

Hello there,
It is almost done. Tomorrow I will take my oral final in German and then I will hopefully be finished with studying for a while. I have never studied so hard and so intensely in my entire life. So far it has payed off and I am praying that it will also tomorrow. God has been guiding me and providing for me and I know he will again. It is relaxing to have that faith and trust. I am studying hard, doing my part of the job, the rest is up to him. Either I am ment to get a good grade or not. A lot of my friends have been nervous for weeks because these finals are very important. I was not, especially not after the first final went so well. I think that is the main difference between believers and atheists: We trust and we do not worry so much. Of course we lead our lives and make decisions but always leave it up to God to guide us and know it was the right decision whatever will come out of it. Atheists do not have that trust. Before I was saved I worried about everything. I still did after I was saved. But since I completely laid my life into Gods hands everything has been working out and I am more relaxed than I ever was. This is not about proving that God exists. Faith is a belief. Nothing more and nothing less. But at the same time everything.

  "Faith is a way of saying, "Yes, I preaccept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding".
There's a reason we refer to 'leaps of faith' - because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational to the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn't. If faith were rational it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark." - Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love

Love,
Eileen

perfect words

I hope you know that you are worth more than the life you are living. You were made for greatness, called to live an extraordinary life. Lift your chin up, find healing from your past, and move on. You've got a bright future ahead of you. Don't doubt the destiny and the possibilities within you. You just might be surprised.
~ Gary Conachan III

Amen to that.

regrets

Hello there, It's been a while. Life has been really busy, filled with studying for my graduation finals, taking them, cleaning out my room for the big move, work and trying to live my life to the fullest. A balance act for pros.

Time seems to fly. Good and bad. Excitement and fear. Beginning and end. I am about to end a long chapter of my life, only to start a new one in another country. It is a weird feeling. I will soon say goodbye to my friends and family. They will all start into a new adventure. Some abroad, some here. I am excited to see who will still keep in touch and who won't. That will be interesting and probably surprising.

I am excited to leave though. I try not to regret anything I have done. Life is way too short for regrets. We make mistakes and sometimes do them again. But eventually we learn from them. A couple weeks ago Ben Howard gave a concert in Cologne. I wanted to get tickets but I was too late. I really regret not having been there. He is such an amazing singer and plays the guitar beautifully. Luckily I got to watch the concert on TV. I wanted to punch myself for having missed it. It was awesome. So incredible. If you haven't heard of him, listen to this. Beautiful, isn't it?

Enough of that. The sky was incredible last night. I took a few pictures of it and played around with them on Picasa.

Love,
Eileen

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

Senior Spirit Week

Hello there, This week will hopefully be the last week of high school classes. It is senior spirit week and I am excited! In about three weeks I will take my graduation finals - wait, only three weeks?! Time flies insanely, days blur.
It will be weird when it is all over and done with. I will miss my friends. But to be honest, I cannot wait to finish this chapter of my life and start a new one.

Life is awesome and exciting and full of joy and happiness. :)

Have a great day you guys :)

Love,
Eileen

Hello there,
I watched The Vow a few weeks ago at the theater. It is such a beautiful movie.

The love these two people share is simply incredible and an inspiration to me. The story is based on a true story although that couple stayed together because of their faith in God.

I cannot imagine such a love, I am only eighteen years old. But I pray that one day I will find the perfect man for me. I pray that our love will be perfect, of course with ups and downs, but always good and strong and perfect. I pray that we will laugh together, cry together, fight together and sometimes even with each other. No relationship is always happy. "Life is the messy bits", as Claire in Letters to Juliet says. But I pray that we will always remember our love for each other and learn how to forgive and forget.I pray that our love will be unconditional and easy and refreshing.
That is one of my greatest wishes.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Oh and by the way, Channing Tatum is just stunning. ;)

Love,
Eileen

KONY 2012

Hello there, It has been all over the news for days and weeks and months now: the Stop-Kony-2012 movement.
Now I want to state my opinion on this. I am still researching but since it is a little late (almost midnight) I will not look further into it right now, because being tired makes understanding English a little harder for me as long as I am not thinking in English. So I hope you will bare with me and check in later for updates.

When you check out the KONY 2012 facebook-page, you will mainly find comments of people who disagree with the movement. Their main criticism is that the organization Invisible Children (IC) that started the movement uses most of the donated money for their own benefits and campaigns, etc. and only a small portion (I think it is about a third) goes to the actual cause. Furthermore, critics say that the LRA has not been in Uganda for a few years now and that it is not even sure if Kony is still alive (also check out this youtube video). Moreover, it seems that through the work of IC this war will be fought with war, especially since some US soldiers were sent to Uganda to help the Ugandan military find Kony.

I do believe that the founders of Invisible Children know how to move and inspire a whole lot of people. Especially through their video they show their talent pretty good. Didn't you get carried away while watching this, hearing Jason Russell's pleading voice, seeing a boy tell us how his brother died, seeing him cry, watching hundreds of teenagers lift their hands making the peace symbol? This is all very moving and I admit that I got goose pumps all over several times.

This all reminds me of the One-for-One-movement of TOMS. They produce their shoes in China (just check out the inside of your pair) or Argentina, etc. for a few Dollars max. and sell them for at least $45.

It is very easy to get carried away but it is also as easy to disapprove and be against it. TOMS and IC raise awareness. They move a giant mass of people that start acting. But of course at the same time they raise a lot of concerns and criticism.

IC answers this criticism on their website. There are many important, well educated people who approve of this organization that started out small and grew bigger. I suspect (without further evidence) that most critics started to be against the movement as it grew bigger and reached more people.

I also believe that there is some (if not a lot) truth to the ideals, missions and campaigns KONY 2012 promotes. The war in Uganda is/was real (I still have to look into this background further) even if they do have more/other problems nowadays than they had when the movement started. Uganda is a developing country that suffers from poverty, a corrupt government, no economy, etc. Of course they do have other problems. But I think you have to start somewhere. This movement is ten years old and of course things have changed during those years. But it is also a fact that LRA only moved to different countries and was supposedly even supported by the government of the Sudan (link to this info will be updated). Because the situation in Uganda got better, the organization should stop their work? They are working for a good cause, against a threat that only moved to a different place.

The criticism that "we have enough problems (homelessness, poverty) in our own countries" or "the US as the world police" are alright. But there are many organizations that help and provide for homeless in Germany, the US and all the other industrial nations. And yes, the US has often fought against political ideologies and terrorism in the world (and very often failed). But what other country does the first step? This movement was started by a private group of people that wanted to do something against this crime, it was not started by the US government. I think this is an essential point that many people criticizing this last point forget.

As the number of people supporting the movement and the number of its critics grow, it is more and more important to make up one's own mind about this topic. I am still doing some "research" in order to do this. It is good to question in a world that is pretty much ruled by media that influences us more than we realize. So I ask you to not just get carried away or simply be against it because everybody else is "swimming with the flow" (German saying ;)). Question - and then form your own opinion. If you then choose to support the cause or be against it, I will respect your decision. Otherwise, start being your own person.

As of right now, I personally tend to be in favor of Invisible Children and KONY 2012 (and also TOMS). I believe that you have to start somewhere and these people did. They picked these cases because they touched them the most and took action, just like any other founder of soup kitchens did. I admire people who have the courage to take action because I know I lack it.

This is my personal opinion and I hope you respect it as I will respect yours.
As I will try to "research" this topic a little bit more, I might change this opinion and edit this blog post. So stay tuned, if you are interested ;).

Love,
Eileen

joy

Hello there,
Life is good. Life is happy. Life is full of joy. It is incredible and amazing. It has ups and downs but all in all mine is pretty awesome.

Today was the first real day that started with light and sunshine at 7:20 in the morning. It was crisp but beautiful and the white clouds painted so many different shades of blue and pink and orange in the sky.

After some struggles with family, school, not enough hours to a day these past few weeks it feels so good to finally see the end of the tunnel. I am done with my grad mitdterms - wait, how did that happen?! Time flies and flies. Is this good or bad? I do not really know. I will find out in the end. I can almost smell the Summer and deliberately pulled my light Summer jacket out of the depths of my closet. I know God cares and I feel like I am beneath water, even though I am not baptized ;).

I want to be back in North Carolina with sunshine in front of the Starbucks watching people shop (minus the studying ;))

Love,
Eileen

March.

Hello there,
A friend posted this on Facebook today:  
"Having a rough day? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called a purpose. You're alive for a reason."
That was what I needed today.

It's a new month. March. Boy, how time can fly. While going to school, being busy, Gradutaion coming up with all its good an bad sides, I have not been focusing on following through with my life at all. This month had more downs than ups. I felt like I was on a never-ending roller coaster ride. I never knew what the next day would bring, especially concerning my mood, thoughts and free time (if I had any).

I know March will be really busy with studying as well. But I have the feeling that the roller coaster ride is almost over - the Bio grad-midterm being the last looping I will have to get through. Then it is just me, classes and studying. Sounds very calming.


March is also the last month I will really be going to school. Although Graduation is not until the end of June, it still feels like an ending. But it's a good ending that I want to enjoy.

So my motto for March will still be "following through with my life". And I know that it will work out this time.

I think I already posted this picture last time. But I think it fits pretty good today, too. :)

God bless,
Eileen

lack of motivation... still...

Hello there,
My resolution for this month was to "follow through with my life and plans". Well, that did not work out. I did not go to the court club once due to a lack of motivation and too much homework, work and other important things. And I did not even get a whole lot of homework done, neither did I start to study for the upcoming graduation midterms.

I think this week and the last are downers. I have been missing my smile. It feels like I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings. The nasty weather does not really contribute to my mood, either.




On a more positive note: I got to go out with some friends on Friday, had dinner and some drinks. The evening did not end as happy as I had hoped but what did I expect? Also I baked a cake with Johanna and her brother hanging around, laughter and fun - who would have thought that?





I hope I will finally manage to work out tomorrow. I need a kick in the butt, even if I have to do it myself. Physically and technically not exactly managable but mentally even more so. So here is to a hopefully better week (yes, I realize it is already Tuesday but I believe you can always start all over again).

Good night.

Love,
Eileen

PS: Today is Valentine's Day. I am not a fan. This "holiday" is stupid. Can't you show someone that you love them on any other day of the year, too? Do you have to have a special day for kindness and love? Like I said, stupid.

These two pictures are not that great because I took them out of the train. But I think it is worth sharing them. I got to enjoy this beautiful  sunrise on my way to school last monday. The sun looked like a giant fireball - no surprise since it is a giant fireball. It was amazing though. I love sunrises and sunsets. I guess that would be my high for the last few weeks. :)

swarm of birds

Hello there,
This morning was beautiful with somewhat dark blue skies and pink rising in the East. A massive cloud bank in the West even looked like a moutain range. It was gorgeous, let me tell you! I wish I had had a proper camera, experience, talent and time to take pictures.
When I got to the bus stop there was a big swarm of birds flying around overhead for a full fifteen minutes. It was amazing to see how they communicated, turned left then right. All in unison. They would settle in a tree and on a house one moment and then take off again only to land on it again a minute later.

I think I have a connection like these birds with my best friend. We have known each other for years and understand each other without many words. We do not agree very often and luckily do not like the same kind of guys, which is a very good thing. We do not have to talk on the phone very often but when we do we will talk for hours. We could never spend too much time around each other, we need our time apart. I think being away from her for a year definitely strengthened our friendship. We hardly had any contact but she was still there for me when I needed her. I love her and I am glad I have a connection to someone like that. I think that grounds me and gives me strength.

It snowed today! I hope it lasts a little bit longer this time or at least until tomorrow. I want to take pictures of the snow. I love the snow. But it should have snowed over Chrismas and New Year's. It is a little annoying now with school and having to move from one building to the other with a three to five minute walking distance in between. Oh well. I think the warm thoughts actually worked today. I only said that it was cold three times! Pretty good, huh?
Love and good night,
Eileen

following through with my life and goals.

Hello there,
It is the beginning of a new month. The second of this year and it is time for a new resolution and reflection on the last.

Patience.
School, friends, family, chores, appointments, .... that all adds to stress. I wanted to focus on my patience in January. I think it worked out pretty well. In many situations I reminded myself of the posters I hung up in my room and that actually calmed my nerves. Many other aspects contributed to helping me through a few struggles and I am proud to say that I got through the month better than I thought I would.
I did not work out as much as I wanted to. I lacked the motivation. Also I did not read through the three letters of John. But I have to admit, that I am OK with it. I do not want reading scripture to be a duty.

This month I want to focus on following through with my life and goals. The sentence "Follow through with your life" popped up in my head one night. It felt and sounded like a command. And I suppose I have to follow this advice.

I want to...
... work out at least three times a week.
... eat healthy; Nutella only on Sundays.
... put more effort in my homeworks and really study for the graduation midterms and finals.
... blog more frequently.
... take at least ten nice pictures.
... follow through with my life and goals.

Sunglass-weather? But only with gloves and scarf! We had blue skies and sunshine the whole week. But it has been so incredibly cold, too. A Siberian high. I do not want to know how cold it is in Siberia when they have a low. I have been enjoying the sunshine though. You do not miss anything until you get it back, right?

On my agenda for tomorrow: Soaking up the sun and enjoying it without saying that it is or that I am cold. Warm thoughts should work, shouldn't they?
"A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier." - Tom Stoppard(and actually found on Victoria's blog)

Good night and have a great February.

Love, Eileen

PS: Check this song out. :)

on the search

Hello there,
There is someone I'd like to introduce you to. Meet Ben Howard:

His songs are simply amazing. Especially "Keep your head up" . Pretty much everything that has been on my mind lately is expressed in this song. He and his songs have been saving a few of my days lately. He is going on tour, hitting a few cities in Germany, too. I am hoping to go to Hamburg and see him live. That would just be amazing. :)

Today I did a presentation for my English class about the book Jennifer Government by Max Barry. I personally did not think that it went that great. But my teacher did like it and gave me a really good grade on it. He even told me I could make a great teacher. Well I do not think this is going to happen. But I liked the compliment.
Also I got a hot-stone-massage today. It was simply amazing. So relaxing and refreshing. I will definitely do that again before the graduation finals. Thanks mom and dad for the Christmas present!! :)

Good night!
Love, Eileen

remembering better times

Hello there, Today was a pretty good day:
- only two hours of Latin
- it was crisp outside but we had blue skies and it was so nice and sunny
- treated myself with coffee and a croissant while waiting for the train
- also got some homework done while waiting
- had a really happy moment while I was walking to the train station listening to music
- treated my mom, grandma and great grandma with flowers
- helped my grandma cook (and of course ate) a delicious lunch
- made some money
- did some chores
- finally finished a project about the book "Jennifer Government" for my English class

It seems like it was a very productive day. But why doesn't it feel like that? I guess I could have gotten some more homework done, I could have worked out and I missed One Tree Hill which I have come to enjoy. I could still go to the court club but I do not have any clean long sports pants anymore. Also I am not really in the mood. I have been lacking motivation and I seem to be finding excuses every time I could get the chance. But I am sure I will find the motivation again. Heads up!

Elizabeth blogged about how she started to enjoy and appreciate the little things in life again more passionately. I realized the same thing today:
I was walking to the train station today, listening to Lee DeWyze. I have come to like his music. It is romantic and girly and sometimes I really need that. Anyway, so I was walking along a very quiet street. I was in an OK-mood. Not overjoyed but also not upset - a mix in between. Lee DeWyze's song "Stay here" came up.
Do you know that feeling when you just have to smile and that smile urges to turn into a really loud laugh? Pure happiness and joy combined with euphoria and passion sitting in your chest trying to burst out? Well, that's what I was feeling. Of course I could not laugh out loud because I was on a street and a guy, who must have ben a few years older than me, was walking towards me. But I just could not stop smiling. The poor guy probably thought I was laughing at him.

That song made my day. I have not felt that kind of joy in a while and it really made me happy.
Gotta love music! :)

Love,
Eileen

Can you keep a secret?

Hello there, It is sunday again. My week was busy and filled with homework, reading, coffee with Kathrin and no work outs at all. But you can't have everything, can you?

I am following a book-review blog which I like a lot. It also inspired me to also write reviews about the books I read.

I love reading because I can completely get lost in a story and sometimes it starts growing in my head. Imagining what the author created is so much better than watching a movie. If the book is good, I can easily read through a whole day or night.

Yesterday was rainy and nasty and Saturday. The perfect day to stay in bed and read a good love story. And that is exactly what I did.
I read "Can You Keep a Secret?" by Sophie Kinsella.
This is my review:
Meet Emma Corigan, a young woman with a huge heart, and irrepressible spirit, and a few little secrets:

Secrets from her boyfriend: I've always thought Connor looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.

Secrets from her mother: I lost my virginty in the spare bedroom with Danny Nussbaum while Mum and Dad were downstairs watching Ben-Hur.

Secrets she wouldn't share with anyone in the world: I have no idea what NATO stands for. Or even what it is.

Until she spills them all to a handsome stranger on a plane. At least, she thought he was a stranger... Until Emma comes face-to-face with Jack Harper, the company's exclusive CEO, a man who knows every single humiliating detail about her...

Let me get this out: This book is hilarious! Emma is a twenty-five-year-old marketing assistant at a world company. She lives in London, has problems with her family and lives in an apartment with her best girlfriend. She is a completely normal woman. And who doesn't have little secrets like that? Everyone! Yes, you, too. I'm pretty sure you do. I do, too. But what would you do when you realize you told your mega boss all these little secrets (also concerning work of course). Emma freaks out. She doesn't know what to do, what to say to her boss (especially since everone is pretending to be the best and she can't since he already knows she is not). Sometimes I wanted to yell at her that she is being super silly and that she should just be herself and not try to act. But then again, when you think about it, you would act exactly the same way. I for sure would.
I just loved this story. I could easily identify with Emma because she is so normal. I recognize a lot of her problems, even though I did not finish college yet and am not working for a major soda company. I ached with her through her struggles and laughed at some of her silly sectres.

The story has a somewhat open ending. Of course everything important gets worked out but you do not know how her life goes on. I am still not really sure if I like it. It was a bit difficult for me to make up my own full ending but I guess that is OK.

So I definitely recommend this book to every girl out there, who likes to read easy girl's love stories. You will love it. I definitely do.

Love,
Eileen

____________
High: A book I ordered weeks ago finally made its way to me plus I found out that TOMS is bringing out a ballerina flat series!!
Low: I didn't get to work out at all.
Song of the week: I heard a song on the radio today but I can't remember what it was called. But Coldplay-Clocks works as well.

the little kid inside

Hello there, Last night I watched "The Lord of the Rings -The Two Towers". I love that movie. But all the fighting, the very nasty and disgusting orcs and Gollum get to me every time. Do you know that feeling when you are lying in bed and are certain (I mean really certain!!) that there is a monster under your bed? And you completely cover yourself with your blanket so that it won't be able to touch you? Always looking around your room because there was a shadow moving?
Anyway, that's how I always feel after movies like the Lord of the Rings with nasty things in it. When I went to bed I left my door open and my mom laughed at me this morning. And of course I didn't just go to my bed... No! A quick sprint from the door to the bed and about a meter in front of the bed I jumped and quickly pulled my blanket over me. But then I realized that I didn't turn on the light next to my TV. So I quickly got out of bed, rushed to the lamp, ran back to bed and ... yes, jumped again. Then I left my eyes open until I fell asleep.
You probably all think I was being silly. Well, I was. But I guess that was the little child in me being scared of the dark and what's under my bed. And I am sure that most of you at least know the feeling I just described (if you didn't exactly jump on your bed). I think this little kid in you is worth preserving. Most grown ups don't know how to be a child anymore. How to look at the little things in wonder. How to enjoy every day just by being outside, exploring your backyard and neighborhood, making necklaces out of daisies, getting all durty while playing archaeologist or making delicious (?!) grass soup with very healthy herbs (or maybe rather weeds) in it. Looking at the world with the eyes of a child gives you a whole different perspective. I think we should sometimes use that perspective to enjoy life.

This book cover shows exactly what I mean. Two kids being outside, having fun.
By the way, this book is amazing! Makes you cry and laugh and enjoy life and relationships more intensely. I can only recommend it! :)

Let that child in you burst out more often. It can give you so much!
Love, Eileen 

.patience.

Hello there, This month I'm focusing on patience. What is patience? Wikipedia says that it is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances.
Well, life has been quite rough lately. There are a few points in my life I am anxious to reach or accomplish or find. But since the beginning of the year, since I actually sat down and thought of the last year and how it went and what happened, I realized, that I have been much too anxious. I only focused on these things; they were the first thoughts that struck me when I woke up and the last thoughts that rambled through my head when I went to bed. I often dreamed about them as well. And now I have decided that it is enough. I know that these things will not work out, when I am so desperately trying to make them happen. No, they will not even be in reach. I suppose this is God's way of showing me that I am not focusing on the important things. Life is going to happen. It happens all the time. I personally believe that my path is already lying ahead of me. I can still alter it. But the general mile stones, interceptions, twists and turns are already set. I can trust that everything is going to be alright and that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. This knowledge gives me peace and lifts a heavy pressure off my shoulders.

It is time for me to live life and not always worry about anything to happen. It will - in its own time.


What made my week is one of my best friends, Kaile. She is just amazing. The funny thing with us is that we always seem to be experiencing the same things in our lives at the same time. She blogs as well. Our blogs have been such a blessing because even with a lot of land, mountains, lakes, rivers and a very big pond between us (at some times the distance between us was even greater than it is now), we always knew how the other felt, what she was doing and how and if she needed advice, compliments or just someone to listen. And now we are at the same point in life. We almost came up with the same new years resolutions, not knowing it. I am so glad, I have her in my life, that I got to meet her. I know I was destined to come to Kennewick for so many different reasons. And I did not choose my host family. Just one proof, that my life is all planned. Knowing that Kaile is on the exact same page gives me strength to follow through with my resolutions, remind myself to live every day for me while still thinking of others, and always keep going. She is doing it. And I know I can, too.

I also decided to start back up with highs and lows and favorite song(s) of the week. :)

Love, Eileen

PS: Quote of the day: What you want and what you get are usually two entirely different things. - Nicholas Sparks' mother (p. 127 in "Three weeks with my brother" by Nicholas and Micah Sparks. Definitely worth reading!)

__________________
High: my chat with Kaile and working out three times this week plus having figured my life out a little bit more.
Low: my very sore body. At least I feel all these work outs.
Song of the week: Somebody that I used to know - Walk off the Earth (Gotye cover)

another new year

Hello there,
Happy New Year to everyone! :)
I hope you had a blast celebrating the new year, like me. I went to a party with about 360 people and my two best friends and my parents and I had so much fun. I met a few new people and it was just so great to go out. So what did you do on New Year's Eve? Anything fun?

Reflection. That's what most people do from the 30th to the 2nd.
To be honest, my life was and is boring. Not that much interesting happened:
- wrote a long long paper about Christianity in the US
- did pretty well in school
- had a nicely relaxed Summer
- started my senior year in high school
- visited my new home for a couple weeks
- was way too busy
- let a lot of relationships regress
- somewhat lost myself
- didn't accomplish/finish one resolution or goal I set for myself

All in all it wasn't the best of years. Compared to 2010 it actually sucked. I wonder why. Maybe because I was caught up in daily life in a country I don't like that much anymore, with people I grew tired of, with struggles and problems I didn't handle the way I should have.

I realized I didn't finish one New Year's Resolution I'd set at about the same time last year. Actually I never finished one. That's why I won't come up with any resoultions anymore. Or maybe three that will count for the whole year but will be approached differently than I have before:
- I want to come up with one (max two) thing(s) for every month that I will focus on. It can be anything: a character trait, a challenge, anything. I will write this word on sheets of paper and hang them up on each wall in my room. That way I see them all the time and not forget about them. We'll see how that goes. I'll keep you updated on my monthly goals and if I accomplished them. The other two resoultions that are for the whole year will be written down and hung up on my walls as well. I'm really excited about this.
- I want to work on my relationship with God. I have let this relationship drop to a very deep low. It'll be hard to dig it out again and let it flourish but I'm sure I can do this. I want to start by reading first to third John. I'm excited about that, too. I have a few more challenges in mind already and I really hope I'll get closer to Him again. I just feel more comfortable with that constant in my life and more grounded.
- I also want to focus on myself more. A thing I've realized about a million times in my life already is this: You have to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are first, before anyone else can love you or rely on you as a friend. I haven't followed this advice the whole year which is why I kind of lost myself. But I guess that was needed. There are no regrets in my life because I've learned from every mistake. I might make the same mistake twice or three times until I learned it, but I know I will and that is very important I think. I've been so busy with so many unimportant things that I forgot the important ones. I want to change that. So we'll see how that works out.

I don't know what the future will bring but the one thing I know is this:
This year will be memorable and amazing and crazy and fun and fabulous and full of joy and love.

Love, Eileen